I'll be honest, I'm not much of a journalist. I enjoy writing but find myself to be too much of a perfectionist and end up getting frustrated with how it sounds. My mother, on the other hand, is a beautiful writer and her handwritten journals tell the stories of God's unending love, forgiveness and faithfulness for her and our family throughout the years. I dream of one day having the wisdom and ability to write as she does because her journals will be a priceless gift to us kids one day when she's gone and I want to be able to do the same for my children. At the beginning of the year, I did start writing more but never envisioned sharing some of my journal entries. However, after my ultrasound today I feel compelled to share the following excerpt because it's a testimony of God's provision for our life.
Written January 20, 2015
It's no secret that I have been struggling with when we should have another baby. A part of me longs to be that "perfect" stay at home mom and another part enjoys the success that comes with being a business woman through Beachbody. I've been praying, "God you know my purpose and if you choose to bless us with another child do it in YOUR timing." Well, God is so good and definitely honors prayers because I'm shocked to be pregnant with number two! I'm only a few weeks along but had a pretty good idea when I could hardly make it through a workout without being short of breath and overheated. I took tests that showed faint positives so again I prayed, "God give me a sign if this is true." In my impatience I did take another test that was a big, clear positive but God still gave me a sign the next day.
At church, they played a beautiful video showing a infants growth inside the womb which correlated with Bible verses, Psalms 139:13-16. There was also a print out in the bulletin that pictured a precious baby and the importance of treasuring life. Lastly, they handed out balloons to all the children (Kellen included) that pictured a baby and said "life is precious". Attached was Jeremiah 1:5, "before I formed you in the womb I knew you." WOW! Talk about a sign that I am indeed pregnant and it was all in God's hands! All my anxiousness as to if I'm ready for another baby has already passed and I'm more excited than ever to meet him or her in just 9 short months. For now, I pray for health and safety as another child of God is knit together in my womb, praise Jesus!
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16